I know a Christian. It’s weird. A while back he posted – outraged – about a Chinese woman who gave birth to a live baby at full term and somehow managed to flush – accidentally by her account – the full term baby which she gave natural birth to down the toilet thus getting it stuck in the sewer pipe and almost killing it. Captain Christian – I’ll just call him that – somehow, in his religion befuddled mind, managed to equate giving natural – albeit alone – birth to a full term baby with abortion. Because, like, flushing a full term and alive baby down the toilet is precisely the same thing as the abortion of a nervous-systemless  conglomeration of cells which couldn’t survive outside the womb. Totally.

A disturbing – yet altogether unsurprising – case of strawmannery. I’d call it dumbfuckery but I’ve decided to be nice. Ish.

So this evening, Captain Christian surfaced another spectacular post of doublethink and asshattery. You see, Captain Christian is… very Christian. Totally into the whole Christian scene and a strong believer. Completely and utterly immune to logic and reason when it comes to his dearly held beliefs. Especially immune to the irony of every damn Christian – all of whom have personal relationships with the good Lord – having a different opinion on how the Bible works, what God wants, what Jesus actually meant in… you get the picture.

The recent post of awesome was about how a faith healing churches are linked to a bunch of child deaths. Specifically, a couple lost their second child after failing to seek medical attention after their 2 year old child contracted exceedingly treatable pneumonia.

The outrage – it seems – is centered around how – from his perspective – some other Christians ‘twist the Bible’. That presumably means he doesn’t agree with those Christians’ interpretation of the Bible and that perhaps he takes a dim view on ‘faith healing’ for that reason.

The irony is thick.

Behold... Facebook Christianing and outrage at it's finest.

Behold… Facebook Christianing and outrage at it’s finest.

Alrighty. The fact that all the Christians get their instructions from the same book aside.  Also, the fact that they all interpret the instruction manual provided by the almighty creator of the universe differently, aside. Also, the fact that they all speak to this almighty creator of the universe all the time and he – for reasons that elude pretty much everybody – fails to clear up the misunderstanding aside… Jesus, so many asides…

“Twisting the Bible” – not sure how it’s twisting the Bible to believe:

Matthew 21

21:21 Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.
21:22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.


Mark 11

11:22 And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God.
11:23 For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.
11:24 Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.


Luke 11

11:9 And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
11:10 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Let me guess… wrong context? The faith healing people didn’t have enough faith maybe? Letting your kid die – horribly, twice – sort of shows you really believe the magic you were doing was going to work – that’s what it looks like to me anyway. So what is it then?

…the Bible does not condemn, forbid, or even discourage the use of medicines or other medical care.

Well, no, perhaps it doesn’t. But it does say ask – pray – and you’ll have it, whatever the fuck ‘it’ may be. Does it not? Right there in Matthew, Mark and Luke which happen to be in the New Testament which Christians sort of can’t ignore? I must be reading it wrong or maybe it’s that I’m not wearing my special Mind-fogging Christian Goggles…

James 5

5:13 Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms.
5:14 Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:
5:15 And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.

I could swear that says… How about:

Matthew 18

18:19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

Sounds to me like praying for a sick person… anyway, moving along, let’s have a look at the long comment down.

If you don’t know how that’s “twisting the bible” then you have not read the bible.

Well, no, I’ve read it. Faith healing Christians have read it. A billion Christians have read it but somehow this person is the fucker who got it right. Who’d have thought.

There are no promises to Christians that if you obey the law you will have blessings and conversely if you disobey the law and have sin you will get sick and die.

Oh, nice sophistry Captain Christian’s sidekick.

In fact, if you have read the bible, and the rule exists that if you have sin you will get sick then we would all be sick all the time. Since the bible says that everyone sins, even christians. The bible says that anyone who says they have no sin is a liar.

And that has what to do with…

There is the promise that Jesus died and defeated sickness and death, but Christians who believe that is for right now, that all sickness is gone have what we call an over realised eschatology.

Well, no. What they have is “Ive read the words in the fucking Bible”itis. What you have is “oh my god the bible says prayer should heal but it doesn’t so now I have to make shit up to explain that”itis. Nice try though, your preachy tone totally had me con… no, its gone.

It’s placing too much emphasis on what we are promised will come on the other side of eternity as if it should be taking place right now. The kingdom of God is here, but not yet fully here.

Sophistry and preaching with self bestowed authority. Oh, and a bunch of made-up bullshit and making the assumption that basically nobody reads the Bible. Many Christians assume this – to their detriment. Just because most Christians couldn’t be bothered to read the Bible doesn’t mean most atheists haven’t read it. Cover to cover. More than once.

Doublethink. Sophistry. Believing your own sophistry. Christians. If stupidity didn’t irritate me so much it would be terribly amusing.