Most people know by now that the Pope (the ex-Nazi and paedophile protector that is currently in charge of the Catholic church) has recently had a revelation in the fields of physics and cosmology. Through considerable contemplation and quite possibly a truck load of prayer, the almighty himself must have spoken to the Pope and provided him with this revelation since, God knows, he hasn’t done any scientific research on the subject.

Pope Benedict XVI, the personal representative of the almighty creator of the universe has come to the startling conclusion that his God (Yahweh to be precise) was behind the Big Bang (and every other scientific theory as it were). The Big Bang being the event that is pretty much universally accepted by rational people as the beginning of the universe, around 14 billion years ago. The Pope is convinced that:

God’s mind was behind complex scientific theories such as the Big Bang, and Christians should reject the idea that the universe came into being by accident, Pope Benedict said on Thursday.

He said scientific theories on the origin and development of the universe and humans, while not in conflict with faith, left many questions unanswered.

The Pope doesn’t provide any evidence for this revelation, he pulls it out of his ass. Pretty much like everything else in his religion (yes, I know, not all of it came out of Benedict’s ass but it sure came from somebody’s ass). And he expects Christians (at the very least) to believe it. It’s what Christians do. They believe shit sprouted by people without evidence.

Now, for those who don’t know, Christians don’t agree with each other, at all. There are around 30,000 (thirty, freaking, thousand) denominations of Christianity. Strange, you’d think the almighty creator of the universe can put a manual together that everybody understands the same way. People manage this with school textbooks all the time; unambiguous textbooks are obviously not the Almighty’s strong point.

Mr. Ken Ham, Australian, president of Answers In Genesis and young earth creationist heard about what the pope said and proceeded to write a rather scathing article. Scathing to the Pope, music to my atheist ears, as it were.

You see, Mr. Ken Ham, believes the Bible is literally true, every, last, contradictory word of it and he takes issue with people who believe otherwise. When the Pope (prime Christian #1) says the Big Bang happened, what he is saying is that the Bible isn’t literally true (look, you need to be pretty messed up to believe all of the Bible is literally true, so it’s not that surprising the Pope has a different view).

This is what Mr. Ham has to say:

Now, if the book of Genesis is an allegory, then sin is an allegory, the Fall is an allegory, the need for a Savior is an allegory, and Adam is an allegory—but if we are all descendants of an allegory, where does that leave us? It destroys the foundation of all Christian doctrine—it destroys the foundation of the gospel.

YES Ken! YES! EXACTLY! Thank Hamish and The FSM, Ken Ham has seen the light!

What does Ken mean? This: if Adam and Eve didn’t actually, physically exist and live in the Garden of Eden; if evolution is true and we have evolved by natural selection (for which there is so ridiculously much evidence it hurts) and if The Fall (of Man) didn’t literally happen, Christianity is a load of hogwash because there would be no reason for Jesus to die. To be blunt, Jesus dying doesn’t actually make sense either way, but without The Fall there is really no reason for it. And Ken Ham agrees.

If Genesis is an allegory then the first marriage is just an allegory, so marriage can be anything one wants to define it as! Jesus in Matthew 19 quotes from Genesis as real history to build the basis of marriage being one man and one woman.

YES Ken! YES! EXACTLY! Ken, you bring tears to my baby blue eyes. Tears of joy. Finally, you have seen the light! It is not evil for two people who love each other to ‘marry’ because us humans invented it!

Bottom line: if the Pope believes in the Big Bang and the Pope believes Genesis is an allegory—he is teaching something that contradicts and undermines the Word of God.

I KNOW Ken! Isn’t it the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever seen?

So basically, Ken Ham agrees that if the overwhelming evidence for the Big Bang, an Old Universe and Evolution Through Natural Selection means that those theories are indeed true, then Christianity is a load of hogwash.

I agree with you Ken Ham, Christianity (and every other religion) is indeed a load of hogwash. Long live the Pope.