Tag Archive: programmer


“The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually the programmer.”

Real Programmers never use API’s, they create API’s.

I was floating around the intartoobz when I came across this pearl of wisdom. I think that following these 4 prime laws will most certainly increase the quality of software. I would venture though, that, in the event of the quality assurance manager being of the male persuasion, that the head in option 4 be replaced by something more important.

The Programmers Creed:

  1. I will not begin the design phase until the user requirements have been unanimously agreed upon by all users, and etched onto large stone tablets.
  2. I will not begin development until the design is signed off, preferably in blood.
  3. Issues that arise during testing will be recorded in the issue management system, and the relevant developer shall be notified, in writing, before he or she is taken out and flogged, not after.
  4. Product upgrades will not be released into the production environment until the quality assurance manager has scheduled a time to place his or her head on the correct chopping block, and the axe-man or axe-woman has verified that the axe is indeed sharp.

0×41men

(CnP™ from http://secretgeek.net/creed_.asp)

I was floating around the intartoobz when I came across this pearl of wisdom. I think that following these 4 prime laws will most certainly increase the quality of software. I would venture though, that, in the event of the quality assurance manager being of the male persuasion, that the head in option 4 be replaced by something more important.

The Programmers Creed:

  1. I will not begin the design phase until the user requirements have been unanimously agreed upon by all users, and etched onto large stone tablets.
  2. I will not begin development until the design is signed off, preferably in blood.
  3. Issues that arise during testing will be recorded in the issue management system, and the relevant developer shall be notified, in writing, before he or she is taken out and flogged, not after.
  4. Product upgrades will not be released into the production environment until the quality assurance manager has scheduled a time to place his or her head on the correct chopping block, and the axe-man or axe-woman has verified that the axe is indeed sharp.

0×41men

(CnP™ from http://secretgeek.net/creed_.asp)

The programmer and the SDLC

The SDLC as it happens in the real world:

  1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
  2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
  3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.
  4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs.
  5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
  6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
  7. Users find 137 new bugs.
  8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
  9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
  10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
  11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
  12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
  13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free…

It’s true, no word of lie.

Other Languages

How a Lisp programmer views the users of other languages. Click to de-shrink.

(Re-posted from here: http://kvardek-du.kerno.org/2010/01/how-common-lisp-programmer-views-users.html)

Other Languages

How a Lisp programmer views the users of other languages. Click to de-shrink.

(Re-posted from here: http://kvardek-du.kerno.org/2010/01/how-common-lisp-programmer-views-users.html)

“Good specifications will always improve programmer productivity far better than any programming tool or technique.”
- Milt Bryce

“It’s better to wait for a productive programmer to become available than it is to wait for the first available programmer to become productive.”
– Steve McConnell

“It’s better to wait for a productive programmer to become available than it is to wait for the first available programmer to become productive.”
– Steve McConnell
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