Category: Humour


If you’ve never seen a DarkMatter2525 video then you’re missing out. This one, in particular, is a gem. One of the best stories from the Bible (you know, that collection of writing that is the infallible words of the almighty creator of the universe…) told by a man whose perception of it isn’t clouded by self-imposed religious idiocy. Watch the video, it’s fantastic.

And billions of people actually believe this shit to be the inerrant words of the almighty creator of the universe. Seriously.

As an atheist…

As an atheist...

As an atheist, I’m often asked why I mock religion. It’s simple really. Lord Satan commands it. HA HA! Just kidding! We don’t believe in him either.

What actually happened to Jesus...

What actually happened to Jesus…

I just saw this image of wonder and genius on the Iranian Atheist/Agnostic Movement Facebook page. I love it. Pure genius.

The Ten Commandments (Fixed)

The Ten Commandments (Fixed)

And there it is. Religion in a nutshell.

I don't always use the Lord's name in vain... but when I do it's because it's the only goddamn thing he's good for

I don’t always use the Lord’s name in vain… but when I do it’s because it’s the only goddamn thing he’s good for

And that, is the goddamn truth.

Faith!

Faith! Just another word for “brand loyalty” to one of the oldest and most corrupt corporations on the planet.

It’s funny really – “brand loyal” and “Christian” – the things that come to mind.

Dear theists…

I plundered this picture from The Thinking Atheist and I have to admit I feel very little remorse. I find the picture both terribly amusing and pretty… unambiguous.

Dear theist...

Dear theist… let me unambiguously explain my position.

Another way to put it is: I find your willful ignorance is disgusting and offensive and considering the bullshit and horror that you claim to believe, you are not qualified to have an opinion on my life.

Don't take Jesus literally, well, maybe...

Don't take Jesus literally, well, maybe...

Sometimes I wonder if Christians ever take the time to consider this particular aspect of how they go about their beliefs. Actually, I know many, if not all of them, have considered this because I asked a while back and a Christian responded. Here’s what I asked:

2. If Jesus Christ, son of the almighty creator of the universe, your God, has said, to be perfect, you should sell everything you own and give the proceeds to the poor:
a) Why is every Christian in the world not doing this?
b) Eternity is a long time, presumably more important that a hundred years; if you truly, honestly believe 100% in Jesus Christ, why are you not following your God’s suggestions and selling everything you own right now?

And here’s what John (a Christian) responded:

Jesus was making a point and exposing the rich man, that he cared more about his fortune and wealth than he did about God. It is not an instruction to Christians to sell all their stuff.

That’s a reasonable answer I think. Provided you feel no obligation to try to imitate Jesus or follow what he preached. I am willing to accept that in that particular context Jesus wasn’t commanding Christians directly (I mean, obviously, since there weren’t any Christians yet…) to sell all their stuff.

What I do think is that it’s a bit convenient though, like the cartoon points out, that Christians accept (or allege to accept) all the profoundly ridiculous things in the Bible, as well as the other teachings of Jesus who were, quite frankly, also not aimed directly at Christians either. But the second something crops up that might inconvenience them, then that wasn’t directed at them, it was to teach a rich man a lesson and Christians can safely ignore that inconvenient bit of the Bible.

So what, can’t Christians learn from their deity’s lessons to other people? Apparently not. Not when it involves, you know, actual personal inconvenience.

Here’s what I think: if Christians really, truly, honestly believed what they profess to believe they would do as their god did and commanded 100%. They would follow every single thing in the Bible to the letter and they would spend everything they have, every waking moment doing exactly what they expect and look forward to do for eternity in heaven: worship their God. They would act more like Hasidic Jews or Muslims who pray five times a day. They would take their religion seriously.

That they don’t speaks volumes.

(Cartoon from Freethunk)

Tolerance.

The ultimate irony.

The ultimate irony - using freedom of expression to try and limit other people's freedom of expression.

I was sent the following piece by Nichola Romney of http://nicholaromney.blogspot.com/.

It’s one of the funnies things I’ve read all week and it’s spot on:

I am truly perplexed  that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built  in Auckland.

I think it  should be the goal of every New Zealander to be  tolerant.

Thus the Mosque  should be allowed, in an effort to promote  tolerance.

That is why I also  propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque,  thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque.

We could  call one of the clubs, which would be gay, “The Turban Cowboy  “,  and the other a topless bar called “You Mecca Me  Hot.”

Next door should  be a butcher’s shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that  an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called “Iraq o’ Ribs.”

Across the  street there could be a lingerie store called “Victoria Keeps  Nothing Secret”, with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the  goods.

Next door to the  lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop: “Koranal Knowledge “; its name in flashing neon lights, and on the  other side a liquor store called  “Morehammered.”

All of this would  encourage the Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of  us, so the mosque problem would be solved.

If you agree  with promoting tolerance, and you think this is a good plan,  please pass it on…

(I do not know who the original author is but if I find out, I will credit them here)

Tolerance is a two-way street. Many people seem to forget that.

Love it.

Well, probably not. But the stats don’t lie (they may be amusing, but it’s not a lie). A nice correlation between searching for god… and free gay porn, in America. Which isn’t surprising considering the number of religionuts in the ‘states found to be lovers of a little bum fun (and crack, but that’s another post…). It’s almost like they desperately want what they can’t (shouldn’t, according to their religion) have… Thankfully, God is a merciful God and you can do exactly what he tells you not to do and be sorry later. All is guaranteed to be forgiven (at least, that’s what I’m told). A win win situation if ever there was.

God and the Free Gay Porn

God and the Free Gay Porn

(Find the original of that image here: http://www.calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=550)

And then there’s America, ‘The Outlier’. What do you say about America. The only anomaly in the otherwise beautiful curve of reality. Know why? In every other country, the average level of wealth increases because the wealth of the majority increases a little and as this happens, the government takes care of social issues like free health care for everybody (this is what civilised people do). This causes people to fear the future less. Less fear means fewer reasons to believe in fairy tales.

In America however, the average level of wealth increases because a few Americans’ wealth increases a lot while the rest… America celebrates a culture of fear; fear of terrorists, fear of nuclear war, fear of the government, fear of liberals, fear of conservatives. Fear is the fuel of irrationality. More fear is literally equal to more religion. Of course, fear also makes it easier to control a population and enrich a few…

Evolution vs. Wealth (everywhere else)

Evolution vs. Wealth (everywhere else)

(Find the original of that image here: http://www.calamitiesofnature.com/archive/?c=559)

And while you’re at it, check out http://www.calamitiesofnature.com/, it’s the awesome truth, but funny.

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